[ Crickets Chirping ]
[ Owl Hoots ]
[ Phone Rings ]
- Hello. - [ Manīs Voice ] Wanna have a little fun?
- Whoīs this? - Tell me your name and iīll tell you mine.
i donīt think so. [ Farts ]
- Whatīs that noise? - Oops. i farted.
- i didnīt think you would hear me. - No, that popping noise.
Oh. iīm making popcorn. iīm getting ready to watch a video.
- Ooh. What is it? - itīs just a scary movie.
- Do you like scary movies? - Mm-hmm.
- Whatīs your favorite? - Mm, i donīt know.
Think.
Oh, i know. Um, Kazaam, the one where Shaq plays a genie.
- Thatīs not a horror movie. - Well, you havenīt seen Shaq act.
[ Popping ]
- Hey, you have a nice voice. - Thanks.
You never did tell me your name.
Why do you wanna know my name?
īCause i wanna know who iīm looking at.
What-- What did you say?
Nice breasts.
Look, what do you want?
i wanna see what your insides look like.
Well-- Well, then, turn to page 54.
Oh.
Hey, nice.
Listen, asshole, youīve had your fun, now you better stop or else.
- Or else what? - Or else my boyfriendīs gonna be here any minute,
and heīs black and heīll kick your ass.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
You mean the one who wears makeup and dresses like a woman?
- How did you know? - Turn the porch lights on.
Help! Help!
Oh, thatīs not my boyfriend. i mean, iīve fucked him a couple of times, but thatīs it.
- [ Squealing ] - Look, iīm calling the cops.
Go ahead. Call the cops.
But you might wanna check the back door first.
You forgot to lock it.
[ Doorbell Chimes ]
Take that, you psycho!
[ Groaning ]
i canīt feel my legs.
i think my arm is broken.
- Sorry. - i want my mommy.
Hello, Drew.
Oh, God!
[ Screams ]
- Daddy! Daddy! - Ugh!
Daddy!
- Daddy! - [ Groans ]
Daddy, no! No!
- Did you hear something? - No, i didnīt hear anything.
[ Keyboard Clicking ]
[ Rustling ]
[ Screams ] Bobby, what are you doing? My dadīs in the other room.
it just occurred to me. i never climbed through your window before.
Now that you got it out of your system, Bobby, you have to leave.
Why?
Shh. Come on.
Whatīs going on in there?
Ow! Daddyīs head is stuck. Unstick Daddyīs head.
- [ Groaning ] - Dad, can you knock?
- Knock? i thought i heard screaming in here. - No. No, you didnīt, Dad.
Well, it couldīve been that crack i smoked earlier, i guess.
- Yeah. - Yeah, thatīs what it was.
i gotta leave town for a couple of days.
No big deal.just that new business i started with those Colombian guys?
- Oh, you mean Uncle Escobar. - Yeah. Yeah, thatīs right.
Well, thereīs a problem. Some money went missing.
And apparently, some legs are gonna get broken.
itīs just better if i lay low for a couple of days.
- if the cops raid the place-- - i never heard of you.
- And donīt forget-- - To flush your stash.
Oh, you are my little girl. i love you so much...
that i left you a little something in the coffee can.
- Dad-- - But you have to remember to step on it before you sell it.
- Now, what are you gonna cut it with? - Um, baking--
Baking soda. Not baking powder.
Because baking powder guys will have muffins growing out of their nose.
You love that joke, donīt you, honey?
Youīve loved that joke since you were two years old.
- Okay, well-- - Okay, i love you.
- i love you. - Have a good trip.
- Bye. - Bye. Whew!
is the coast clear?
Oh, Cindy, that nightgown.
That was close. God!
i was, uh, home watching The Exorcist, and it got me thinking about you.
if this is about the time i puked green slime and masturbated with a crucifix--
it was my first keg party, Bobby.
No. No. Uh, it was edited for TV. All the good stuff was cut out.
So you thought you would just climb through my window...
and we would play bump-bump?
i was kind of hoping to get my balls licked,
but i wouldn`t wanna break your little underwear rule, now, would i?
So maybe just some on-top-of-the-clothes type stuff?
Okay. But just for a minute.
[ Soft Rock ]
What the--
Wrong set.
[ Skipped item nr. 102 ]
Bobby! Oh, Bobby!
i don`t wanna wait for our lives to be over
- No, Bobby, donīt. - Ow!
jeez.
Yeah, my dad.
Okay, stud, you have to go now.
Oh, um, about the sex stuff?
i was only half serious. i donīt wanna rush you or anything.
Hey, would you settle for PG-1 3?
Whatīs that?
Oh,jeez!
-[ Crash ] - Good night, Bobby.
- [ Laughing ] - Shorty, you are so loud.
And make sure you take your behind to class today.
- i do be going to class. - Lunch is not a class, Shorty.
it is when you got the munchies.
- See, thatīs why you such a dumb-ass. - Your mother.
You my brother. Thatīs your mother too,jackass.
Oh, yeah. Well, then, your fatherīs stupid.
So? i donīt know him.
Yeah, me neither.
- Hey, girl, you ready? - Yeah, in a minute.
- We`re gonna be late. - Wait. Thereīs Buffy.
[ Grunts ] i donīt know why you hang out with her.
- She is such a ho. - Why do you say that?
`Cause i`ve seen her.
- My friend Sean had a pool party this summer. - Sean?
You know, Puff Daddy?
Anyway, everybody was drinking Cristal champagne.
And then it started to get wild, and people were getting freaky in the pool and stuff.
i look over and there was your girl getting buck wild in thejacuzzi.
So?
With a backup dancer.
i mean, thatīs nasty.
Thatīs-Thatīs lower than the security guard.
At least security can get you backstage. She donīt love herself.
Bye, Daddy. - i don`t know. i think Buffy`s sweet, Brenda.
She is as fake as Press-on nails.
Hey, baby girl!
What is up, my sister?
- Bye, Mr. Gilmore. - Bye!
- is he gone? - Yep.
Do you like what you see
it`s all about the money
[ Girl ] Hey, Cindy!
- i love this color. - Let me see that.
- Oh, you guys should not use this brand. - Why not?
- Because they test their products on animals. - So?
Look, have you seen what they do to those poor animals?
Well, i am much more of a people person.
iīd like to feed all the hungry, little children of the world.
iīd much rather help my fellow man than some animal.
- Spare a dollar? - Get away from me, you bum!
Buffy! Canīt you see heīs just hungry?
Here you go, sir. A nice sandwich.
- See? - i said a dollar, bitch!
Ow!
God. Look at this place.
it`s a circus.
Hello. iīm Gail Hailstorm, author of the book, You`re Dead, i`m Rich.
A small college town is in shock...
after the unthinkable has happened:
a brutal killing spree that left one teen dead--
- Thatīs it. Two teens dead... - [ Gunshot ]
and this small town shaken and stirred.
- itīs times like these-- - Police are combing the area for clues.
There are no witnesses available at this time.
There are no suspects in custody.
Police are asking anyone to come forward.
Reporting live for Black TV. White folks are dead and weīre getting the fuck out of here!
Grab your shit and letīs go, motherfucker!
Hey, do you think the press is gonna wanna talk to us?
Oh, girl, no. The press only wants to interview the most ignorant person they can find.
iīm on TV! Oh, shit! First Cops, now this!
Oh, man, iīm gonna be a star, son!
- What can you tell us about Drew? - Well, she had the phat ass.
- i mean, it was like bang! - How close were you to the victim?
Real close. Until the roofies wore off.
Then she woke up talking about pressing charges.
So i just pulled my tongue out of her ass and left.
What would have been your last words to Drew?
Run, bitch! Run!
Hey, yo, dawg. Does this shirt make me look gay?
No, man.
What about now?
- Nah. Yeah. - Cool?
Here. Take one, guys. Donīt forget: electionīs Tuesday.
Donīt forget: electionīs Tuesday.
Ah! Goddamn it! Son of a bitch!
Whatīs the matter, honey?
My report card.
Well, at least you got one A.
Yeah. i did, huh?
- Youīre so smart. - [ Moaning ]
- Hey, has anybody seen Bobby? - Nah.
You know what? That kid is always late.
i donīt get it. He lives so close.
[ Rock ]
See you later, Hairy Mama, Bubba,jim,
Big jim, Littlejim, Slim jim, everybody.
iīll see you later. Ciao, Ding. All right.
Damn, girl. Mm-mm-mm.
- iīd sure like to get in them pants. - Really?
Yeah. What size are these?
[ Bobby ] Hey, guys.
- Hey, Bobby. - Hey, baby.
- How you doing? - Good.
- You guys see all the reporters out there? - Yeah.
Saying that girl Drew Decker got killed last night.
- You know what? i think i knew her. - Really?
- She had a brother named Steve? - Yeah.
Long hair, pretty little mouth, perfect ass?
- That was her. - Nah, i was talking about Steve.
Whatever happened to him?
Do you guys think itīs strange that she got killed...
exactly one year after we,
you know, killed that guy?
Hey, Cindy, that was an accident.
Was it, Greg?
[ Greg ] Yeah!
[ Laughing ]
Would you look at what theyīre doing?
When are we gonna do stuff like that, huh?
One day.
- You like that, baby? - Yeah, thatīs different.
- You like that? - Oh, i love that.
Oh, i love when you play with my ass.
iīm not playing with your ass.
- Ray! - Oh, my bad.
Come on, man! Hey, Bobby, put on some music.
Hold on.
Here. Put this on.
-it`s raining men - Yeah, thatīs the shit right here!
-Hallelujah - itīs raining men
- Baby. -Amen
-i`m gonna go out i`m gonna let myself get - What? itīs a classic.
-Absolutely soakin` wet - Put on the radio, man.
[ Rock ]
Yeah! Whoo!
- What? it was laundry day. - What the fuck is--
Yeah!
Whoo! Yeah!
- Hey. Come over here. - What?
-just get a little closer to me. - Something youīre gonna tell me?
-[ Zipper Unzips ] - Bobby, what are you doing?
i just want you to touch it. just touch it. Come on.
- Uh-- -just a little bit. Come on.
Whoo!
- Ow! - Oh, yeah, thatīs what iīm talkinī about.
Oh, my God! Shit!
God, Cindy-- Oh, shit!
- [ Ray ] Oh, my God. - What was that?
i think we hit something.
Oh, man!
Bobby, look at my car, man! My dadīs gonna freak!
[ Bobby ] i didn`t see it. it came out of nowhere.
- Oh, my God, we hit a boot. - Whereīs the foot?
i donīt know.
Where the--
- [ Screams ] - itīs a body!
- Oh, shit, is he alive? - i donīt know.
- Well, check it out. - i canīt.
- Shit! - We have to call the police.
- No way. i ainīt going to jail. - We have to!
Cindy, do you know what they do to young boys in prison?
And all those sex-starved convicts just waiting for a fresh piece of meat.
Hey, youīre right, Cindy. Maybe we should call the police.
[ Greg ] Oh,yeah, That`s a great idea, Ray. But what about Brenda, huh?
You think she wants to go to jail?
This is manslaughter, okay? Weīre all gonna fry for this.
- We`re looking at 1 0 to 1 5 years. - Shut up, Bobby!
- itīs okay. iīm fine. -Alcohol all over. - We`re in so much trouble.
- iīm fine. -[ Brenda ] Don`t blame that shit on me, Ray.
- Look, weīll get rid of the body. - Unnecessary.
-[ Brenda ] Now you`re thinking. - Weīll dump him in the ocean. - Not the ocean, the pier.
- Guess iīll be leaving now. -[ Greg ] That`s a great idea.
- What about the alcohol? - Weīll get rid of it.
[ Bobby ] Come on. it`ll be all right.
- Come on. Hurry up. Letīs go. - Put him in the trunk.
- i wonīt have anything to do with this! -[ Greg ] Shut up!
Cindy, come on. Weīll just pretend it never happened.
You know, like the time we got drunk and we went down on each other.
- iīll get his arm. - iīll grabiīll grab his other arm.his ass.
Weīll take him down to Williamson Cove and weīll dump him in there.
The sharksīll take care of the evidence.
Oh, my God, someoneīs coming.
- Oh, shit. itīs Shorty. - Brenda, take care of him.
[ Rap Playing On Radio ]
Shorty, i know you ainīt driving without no papers.
i got papers, blunts, bongs,
all the ingredients to make a high nigga pie.
- Hey, yo, can i help you? - Yo, whatīs up, Ray?
- Yo, son, you all need jumper cables? - Nah, weīre cool.
Oh, good, `cause i left my roach clip at home.
- Go home, Shorty. - Yeah, i-iīll see you later.
Peace, Ray.
- Get the trunk closed. -[ Buffy ] it won`t close.
- iīll do it. - [ Groaning ]
[ Shorty Laughing ]
Hold on. Hold on. Put him down. Heīs heavy. Oh, God.
Okay, look. On three we dump him over the ledge.
Wait, wait, wait. Shouldnīt we at least check his wallet?
- For what? - Shit, he might have some money.
We already committed murder. We might as well rob his ass.
- iīll take the credit cards. - i want his jewelry. - iīm gonna take his drawers.
- [ All Shouting ] - Get off!. Hey, yo, get off!. His drawers are mine! Yo!
- [ Chuckling ] i got me a gold ring. - Credit cards.
- All right, letīs get him in the water. - i donīt think i can, Greg.
- itīs not too late. - Shut up, okay?
- Christ, already. iīll do it. -just get him in the water.
Okay. One, two,
three.
Right now we make a pact. We take this to our grave.
-Agreed? - Agreed. - Agreed.
- Agreed? - [ Brenda, Bobby ] Agreed.
Say it, Cindy. Say it!
We take this to our grave. Say it!
- [ Gagging ] - We take this to our grave. Say it.
Greg, chill. Come on. Youīre hurting her.
We take this to our grave. Ow.
And we never mention this again.
Mention what?
- The guy we just killed. - Well, you just mentioned it, Greg.
Starting now!
Stupid bitch, man.
- God. i hate him. - itīs gonna be okay, baby. itīs gonna be okay.
i promise.Just touch it again. Come on. Please.
- You have to move on, Cindy. Thatīs all behind us now. - Exactly.
- itīs a coincidence. - Gregīs right, Cindy.
i mean, what do you think weīre in, a horror movie?
Yeah,you guys are right. if we were,
theyīd probably cast some dingbat likejennifer Love Huge Tits to play me.
Yeah, or theyīd cast people in their late twenties, early thirties to play us.
-[ Bell Rings ] - Kenny, get the camera ready. Here. Hold my gum.
- Sheriff, Sheriff, can i get a statement? - No comment.
Damn. Who do i have to screw around here to get a stupid story?
Hey! Hey, no running.
[ Blows Whistle ]
- Loser. - [ Continues Blowing ]
- Slow it down! - [ Boy ] Blow me!
All right!
Hi. Gail Hailstorm. Field Reporter, Hard Story.
Special Officer Doofy.
Oh, hi, Doofy. Doofy, listen. is there a problem on campus?
- No comment. No comment. - Okay. Okay.
You know, you look awfully young to be a police officer.
- iīm 25 and a half years old. - Ooh!
- Yeah, thatīs this many. - Ah, so big.
Yeah. Thatīs big.
- Well, you donīt look a day over 1 2. - [ Chuckles ]
Except for the big head and glazed-over look in your eyes.
- Ooh, was that drool? - Yeah. i forgot to swallow.
Donīt worry, īcause i never forget.
- [ Both Laughing ] - [ Farts ]
- Would you remind me not to do that again? - Sorry.
[ Man Over P.A.] Due to the recent tragedy, the sheriff and me,your principal,
will be questioning all students throughout the day.
Wow. Sounds like weīve got the makings of a serial killer on our hands.
Yeah, iīm not supposed to say. itīs official police business.
Hey, Doofy, what do you say you and i go inside my van over there...
and, uh, get to know each other a little better?
- Would you like that? Yeah, that van right there. - That van?
- [ Chuckles ] - Yeah.
- Yeah, okay, letīs go. Come on. - Oh!
A terrible tragedy and an unbearable loss.
itīs days like today that we need prayer in school.
it starts to unravel the very moral fabric of our society.
Here you go, baby.
Go to your daddy.
Oh!
[ Chuckles ] iīll see you after class.
- Sweet! - All right!
Okay, class, who would like to give their oral presentation first?
- Oh! - Anybody?
- Yes! - Anybody else?
- Okay, Heather. - [ Students Groaning ]
- Okay. Can i start? - Yeah.
Okay, my presentation is on the First Amendment.
And it began on May 25, 1 787 in Philly with George Washington.
And it states, and i quote,
When our Founding Fathers argued the passage of our glorious Constitution--
[ Heather Continuing ]
The First Amendment gives us the right to say what we want--
Oh, shut the fuck up!
- So, whoīs next? - [ Putting ]
Uh, Cindy Campbell.
isnīt she the daughter of, well, you know--
- Oh, yeah, you know, old Mrs., uh-- - Old Mrs.--
[ Sheriff ] Yeah. Yeah, the one and only--
The one and only. [ Clears Throat ]
- Why, hello, Cindy. - Hi, Principal Squiggman.
- Thanks, Doofy. - itīs Special Officer Doofy today, Cind.
Now, Cindy, Sheriff has some questions that he would like to ask you today.
- What is that... god-awful smell? - i donīt know.
i got a poopie.
Did you just say that you went poopie?
- Yeah. it was good. -[ Sheriff ] Mm.
- Get him out of here. - Yes.
- Thank you, Doofy. - [ Doofy ] Okay.
You should now go back to Special Ed.
- Okay. Salute. - Maybe a change of underwear, son.
- Bye, Doofy. - Bye, Cind.
- How are you, Cindy? - Fine.
- How are you, Sheriff? - Bloated, constipated.
Got a boil on my ass the size of a walnut. You know, the usual.
Cindy, i want to ask you some questions about Drew Decker.
- i didnīt really know her. - Oh, come on. Sure you do.
No. i mean, i didnīt really know her.
iīve been in this game a long time. Donīt bullshit a bullshitter.
Tell me about Drew. What was she like in bed, Cindy?
Tried to get you. itīs an old police trick.
You didnīt fall for it. Good for you, kid.
Hike!
Pass! Pass!
-[ Whistle Blows ] - All right, shower up!
Yes!
Yo, Dugan, man, nice play, yo. Word up.
johnson, what a block, baby.
Word up. Woodward. Nice ass.
Damn.
Yo, Greg, whatīs up? You gonna hit the showers or what?
No, man. i think iīm gonna work out, beat the bag a little.
Suit yourself, kid. All right. Last one in the showerīs a rotten egg!
Come on, yīall! iīm gonna get yīall! [ Laughing ]
Don`t let Uncle Ray catch you!
Who did this? Huh? Where are you?
This isnīt funny, all right?
A small dickīs like a disability, man!
Would you make fun of a guy in a wheelchair? Huh? Would you?
Come on out here, you sick fuck!
iīll kick the shit out of you right now! All right?
itīs not the size of the hammer,
itīs the nail youīre throwing it at!
[ Cindy ] it`s a shame how she died.
- She was such a nice girl. - Yeah, she used to baby-sit my brother Doofy.
- He had the biggest crush on her. - Ray, youīre a dead man.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
You wanna get butt-naked and wrestle?
- Bring it on, Ray! - Hold my earrings. Whereīs my Vaseline?
- Take it easy. Whatīs the problem? - iīll show you the problem.
Oh-- Thatīs you?
They-- They turned the hot water off in the showers, all right?
Laugh it up, you guys. Big laugh.
You know what? You can all go to hell!
Greg, youīre not the only one who got one.
Oh, you mean Bobbyīs got a baby dick too?
No. i was talking about the note.
i got one too.
- Somebody knows. - Thatīs bullshit, Cindy.
Someoneīs just trying to fuck with us.
We have to call the police, Greg.
You call the police, and iīll kill you myself. [ Punching Stomach ]
- Youīre hurting her, man. - And you know what?
That goes for all of you guys.
That psycho wants a piece of me, bring it on.
But iīm not going to jail. You got that?
[ Cindy Groaning ]
-[ Bones Crunching ] - [ All Groaning ]
Whatīs everybody talkinī about?
just forget it, Shorty. You already know too much.
[ Cindy Groaning ]
-[ Audience Cheering ] - [ Emcee ] Arenīt they beautiful?
- Buffy! -[ Man ] Contestant number one!
Very good. And contestant number two.
Very good. And contestant number three.
[ Greg ] Buffy! That`s my girl!
- Thatīs my girlfriend! - Yeah, thatīs my girlfriend too!
- Hey, kiss my ass! -[ Boy #2 ] Yeah, i`m hitting that too!
- All right, Buffy! - Hey, shut the hell up, man!
-[ Boy #3 ] The best pussy i ever had! - What, you want a piece of me?
Now the talent portion of the competition.
Oh, you guys, iīm gonna go downstairs for a closer seat. See you after the show.
- Number three, Buffy Gilmore. - [ Cheers And Applause ]
Hey, you know what? iīm gonna go hit the head. You want me to bring you back anything?
No, no, no. iīm good, man. But hurry back. Sheīs gonna perform.
- Donīt worry. iīll be back. - Good evening, Buffy.
And what will be your talent for this evening?
Acting. iīll be doing a dramatic reading.
[ Boy ] Yeah,yeah!
Buffy Gilmore doing a dramatic reading.
Hey, do that thing from Baywatch! Sheīs running down the beach!
Look out, Greg! Look behind you!
- itīs him! itīs the killer! - Huh?
Oh, my God! Somebody do something!
Heīs killing him!
- He`s killing him! - Must be an original piece.
Heīs killing him!
- [ Sobbing ] - Sheīs good. Sheīs good.
- Whatīs wrong with you people? - Thatīs fantastic.
You fucking bastards! Why wonīt anyone help?
- Amazing. -[ Woman ] She`s the next Pamela Lee.
Oh, God! Oh, God! Don`t!
- [ Groans ] - Greg, hold on!
[ Emcee ] Give it up for Buffy Gilmore! Beautiful.
- Absolutely fantastic. - [ Cheering ]
i think we have a winner, ladies and gentlemen. Miss Buffy Gilmore!
Buffy, wait. You have to go back onstage.
- No. i have to get to Greg. - But you won!
- They`re calling your name. - Thereīs a killer--
- i won? - Theyīre calling your name. Go.
- Buffy, what happened? What about Greg? - Oh, fuck Greg. i won.
- Congratulations! - Oh, out of my way, loser!
- Miss Buffy Gilmore! -[ Cheers And Whistles ]
Here she comes
Miss Teen Sheīs So Fine
- Such lovely tits - Give me my crown, bitch.
And a great behind
There she is Doggy style anytime
And i`ll do her behind behind and behind
Oh, there she is
She loves 69
Thereīs no sign of him anywhere.
- He couldīve taken the body. - Thatīs impossible, Cindy.
- There`s no blood. There`s nothing. Look around. - i bet it`s just Greg playing...
another one of his dumb jokes.
Heīs gonna turn up. iīm sure of it. Heīs probably at my house waiting for us right now,
-you guys. - All right, fine.
But you know what? iīm gonna look around some more, so--
- You mind catching a ride home with Buffy? - Yeah, no problem.
- All right, fine. - Call me later.
[ Humming ]
[ Phone Rings ]
- Hello. - [ Manīs Voice ] Hello, Cindy.
- Who is this? - itīs me, Bobby.
You know, your boyfriend.
Yeah, iīm sorry. i guess iīm a little jumpy lately.
- Hey, any sign of Greg? - No.
- Do you want me to come by? - No.
iīm just gonna take a bath, and then iīm gonna go to bed.
Okay. iīd really like to see you, but-- i love you.
Aw. i love you too, baby.
[ Farts ]
[ Rings ]
Bobby, i told you--
[ Manīs Voice ] i still know what you did last Halloween.
- Who is this? - [ Dial Tone ]
[ Phone Rings ]
- [ Screams ] - [ Thud ]
- Ow! Ow! -[ Ringing ]
- Hello. - iīm gonna kill you.
- iīm gonna slice you up. - Who is this?
- iīm gonna chop you like liver. - What do you want?
iīm in the house. [ Snickering ]
Do you know where i am? [ Snickering ]
i could be anywhere. iīm like the wind, baby.
Yeah. Where am i?
[ Snickering ]
Um, youīre-youīre behind the couch.
[ Snickering Stops ] What? How do you know that?
i can, um, see your feet.
Ah! Okay, turn around.
Close your eyes. No peeking.
Yeah. No. No. No.
Hey, no peeking. No peeking. Turn around.
Good.
Okay, now you look.
Now do you know where i am? You donīt.
No, Mr. Killer. i donīt know where you are.
- iīll give you a big clue. - [ Screams ]
Oh! i gotta stop drinking.
- Grandma! - Ow, baby!
Oh, my hip!
[ Screaming ]
[ Woman Dispatcher ] White woman in trouble off the 7 44--
[ Sirens Wailing ]
-[ Twigs Snapping ] - [ Screams ]
Are you okay? i heard screaming. Whatīs going on?
- Bobby, he was here. - Shh.
- The killer was here, Bobby. - itīs okay.
- i can explain that. - Oh, my God.
A friend gave īem to me. Cindy. Cindy.
- [ Screaming ] - Cindy. Cindy!
Cindy! Cindy! Cindy!
itīs me, Cind. [ Gasps ]
Cindy, you know me. Cindy.
i know youīve had a rough night, Cindy, so i wonīt keep you.
i just want you to look at some photos. Tell me what you think.
Mm-mmm.
- No? - No.
- iīm sorry, Sheriff. - You sure?
Okay, youīre free to go. Do you have somebody picking you up?
- Yeah. - Oh.just--
just check that one out again.
- Mm, no. - No? No? Well, worth a shot. All right, thanks.
- Guess what i just did with those hookers we busted. - No way.
All the way, man! Yes, yes. Watch this. Doofy!
- Yeah? - Come on. Come on.
Okay.
Special Officer Doofy reporting.
Hey, Doofy, smell my fingers.
- Whatīs that? - Thatīs when you know youīve become a man, Doofy!
Hey, Terry, smell my finger.
- What the hell is that? - My ass.
- Get the hell out of here, Doofy. - Doofy.
- Mom said get home now. - Tell Mom iīm on official police business.
- Cindy, are you okay? - Hey, hey, hey. No talking to the witness.
- Go get in the car, Doofy. Sheīs coming with us. - Does Mom know?
- Yeah, Doofus. - Mom says when i wear this badge,
youīre supposed to treat me like a man of the law.
Mom also said for you to stop sticking your dick in the vacuum cleaner.
- [ Cheering ] - Oh! - Oh!
Okay, three, two--
-[ Man ] Oh, no. Gosh darn. - What now?
- itīs just that thereīs all these numbers with deci-- - What, canīt you count?
- No, i can count, but thereīs really-- - Let me make it easy for you.
This little piggy went to the market. This little piggy stayed home.
Now, if this little piggy doesnīt roll the goddamn camera--
- iīm gonna put my foot up his fuckinī ass-- - We`re live, Gail.
Gail Hailstorm standing out front of the police station...
where iīm going to try and get a glimpse of Cindy Campbell,
the young girl who was attacked earlier this evening.
- Youīre on my foot, fat shit! - Sorry, G--
- What did i say? - Donīt ever step on Gailīs shoes.
- Why not? - Because Gail wears Prada shoes.
- You idiot. - iīm a bad man.
[ Reporters Shouting ] Cindy! Cindy!
- Cindy, can we get a statement? - Buffy Gilmore, Miss Teen.
- Sheīs not talking. - is it true the police have someone in custody?
- Come on, Cindy. - Cindy, your ass looks fat!
Bitch!
- Good shot. - Come on.
- All right, who copped a feel? - Gail, it was me.
- Oh, my God. - it was an accident, Gail.
i only touched it, the top of the breast.
- it was so tender and juicy. - Shut up!
[ Dial Tone ]
[ Phone Rings ]
- Yo. - Hello, Shorty. What are you doing?
Nothinī. Sittinī here watchinī the game. Smokinī some bud.
Are you all alone?
- Wassup? - Wassup?
What the-- Whoīs that?
Yo, pick up the phone.
- Wassup? - Wassup?
Yo, Dookie, pick up the phone!
- Yo. - Wassup?
- What you doinī, son? - Nothinī.just chillinī, killinī.
True. True.
So you think Bobby did it?
i donīt know. But he was there, Buffy.
i knew there had to be something. Heīs just too perfect.
Handsome, smart, good in bed.
- What did you say? - Uh--
Hey, Cind. Got your ice pack for your hand.
- Ow! - Sorry.
- [ Groans ] - i`ll get you one for your head.
No, no, thatīs okay, Doofy.
Hey, weīre gonna get that guy you dumped in the water. Yeah.
i`ll be next door if you need me.
Night, Cind.
Buffy, you told him?
The moron overheard a conversation Greg and i were having.
- Yeah, but what if he says something? - Whoīs gonna believe...
a retarded retard like him anyway?
Cindy, telephone.
Thank you.
- Hello. - [ Manīs Voice ] Hello, Cindy.
- Guess what. - No!
- You got the wrong guy. - No!
- Doofy! - itīs not Bobby.
- Who is this? - [ Dial Tone ]
- Doofy! Doofy! - Oh, my God.
Hello?
i said donīt disturb me while iīm cleaning my room!